Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Actors and Observers Lost in the Tide

I am hungry. Hungry for a change, hungry not to feel like my world is coming down around me. I am looking for signs hoping that by keeping watch I will catch that "ah-ha" moment.

As many of you know I enjoy photography. I keep my camera very close at all times, just in case something catches my fancy. Just in case all the celestial beings line up providing me that perfect shot. Most of the time I am appreciating the comfort of the camera's weight- it reminds me that I am in the here and now. I have a choice, I can capture it or I can live it. I don't know if one can do both, not for that single moment. We are either the actor or the observer, but not both at the same time. It is difficult to pull oneself from the play of life and just watch the goings on when one is also actively acting. When it is your cue you must race to your mark on the floor, no time to observe your surroundings. Out with your lines!

This weekend I was the actor. I said my lines, finally. I do not know how they were received, or if they were received at all, but they are out. Now, I am the observer. I am stepping back, waiting to see how this part of my life will turn out. I cannot claim to know. I am no magician, I cannot read or tell the future from leaves and cards. If I could, I believe the excitement (good or bad) of what is to come next would be lost. I am sure I will be stepping back into the actor's shoes very shortly, but for now, I am taking a deep breath and just observing.

To him that watches, everything is revealed

                                                               (Italian Proverb)