The beauty that is my mother

Over the weekend my mom and I got together to empty out my storage space- something long over due and because of that, dreaded (the emptying out, not the getting together). Luckily, this is the last of the storage space and what was my married life existence. Donate, dispose, forward on or keep. I guess that is how all things in life go- breaking down memories, souvenirs of our lives. Determining what matters to us then or what we may want in the future- all the while lightening our loads of the things that weigh us down.

My mom is good with this. She always comes willing to lend a hand (and an ear) and doing her best not to invade one's privacy. We usually end up laughing through the task at hand and jumping from topic to topic in a mad whirlwind of jumbled thoughts and tangential stories. She may drive me crazy sometimes, but I appreciate the time we spend and am glad that I have someone like my mother to lean on.

Since retiring, my mother has started to spread her wings- beginning to discover new hobbies. She often claims (falsely, I might add) that she isn't creative or artistic and that these attributes skipped a generation. She is wrong. Like her mother before her, when focused, she is creative and artistic in the things she does. When I was a child, she made costumes for Halloween and tooth fairy pillows for each of my classmates the year all of our teeth seemed to fall out of our heads.

Recently, she attended a clay working class. Her pieces turned out well- even within the newness of the medium, her creativity shows through. She also created a pendant for me, a little tree carving. It is simplistic and beautiful. I admire trees and their quiet strength. I admire the same in my mother. Thanks again mom.

Lessons of Love

Recently on a flight home, I was seated next to a couple. Their interactions spoke of what love is, or should be. They were older, each seeming to know the other quite well. They shared their meals, quietly exchanging sweetnesses. She thoughtfully stored his newspaper after he had finished patiently explaining the art of Sudoku to her; he readjusted her blanket making sure she was comfortable as the plane was chilly.


Each touch, word to the other, seemed so tender. There didn’t seem to be any indifference in their exchange, only kindness and consideration for the other. In a word, respect- something that many relationships lack. Respect is lost in the shuffle of everyday life along with the necessity of intimacy and small niceties that can make all the difference.

I found their exchange very refreshing. I am so often exposed to love gone wrong rather than love in good form. By sitting next to me, they gave me a gift, reminding me that love in its true form does exist. I do not know their past and the struggles they've encountered to arrive at this place, but still, they arrived. They seemed to exude a love that isn’t loud and flashy, but instead patient and simple. May we all have that kind of love and share it the best we can.

A Bird in the Hand...

Quick quote for the day:

"We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have."
(F. Keonig)


Instead of running away from what you have, focus more fully and search for the beauty within. It may be a long road, but recovering what is hidden can be more gratifying than finding something new because it is already yours.

This is true when looking at oneself. We all have special gifts and talents. We all have unique lives. No one can determine that one life is better than another because an outsider is never privy to all the aspects of another's life or another's relationships. We can only see what is shared in the open. What is shared is usually only a faded glimpse of what lies beneath the surface. In practice, I try to appreciate my own talents, my own gifts, my own relationships and my own life with all its strengths, weaknesses and idiosyncrasies. The combination of these specific elements make for a unique experience, all my own.

I think this is true with love as well. You may be surprised at the endless layers each person has within. Rediscover each other again and again.  Since we can never know any one person completely, doesn't it make sense to try and learn the person we love most as fully and completely as we can?  Does it not lead us to a more meaningful life with that person? We celebrate long lives and long relationships because we understand how precious they are.

One of the songs that I believe reflects this idea in relation to relationships is Somebody (Depeche Mode).

I recall my father-in-law recounting how pleased he was to see an elderly couple holding hands and nuzzling on the metro one afternoon. It is this road of happy discovery that I choose for me and my life. I hope you do the same.

Have a joyful journey.

When I Married You...

Sometimes it is easier to write the things one means to say. Sometimes it cuts out the background noise and distractions. The following is a poem I threw together:

When I married you…

When I married you, I loved you like no other.
When I married you, I knew it was not the paper that bound us, but our commitment to each other.
When I married you, I knew there was no one else.
When I married you, I looked ahead and was happy.
When I married you, I looked behind and was satisfied.
When I married you, I knew you were my best friend.
When I married you, I married you forever.
When I married you, I said goodbye to single life with no regrets.
When I married you, I welcomed you with my whole being.
When I married you, I was confident that our love was strong.
When I married you, I knew you were not perfect, but that you were perfect for me.
When I married you, I knew I was not perfect, but wanted the ‘me’ I was (am) to be the perfection you sought.
When I married you, I said I do (and I have).
When I married you, I knew there would be some hard times.
When I married you, I knew there would be some sorrowful times.
When I married you, I believed we could get through anything together.
When I married you, I knew I would walk through fire for you.
When I married you, I knew life was short and wanted to share it with you.
When I married you, I knew I wanted to grow old with you.
When I married you, I felt your love and it made me strong.
When I married you, I knew there would be much laughter.
When I married you, I bound myself to all of you, even to the shadows in your heart's doorway.
When I married you, you lighted my shadows, wiped away the cobwebs in my heart and made room for it to grow.
When I married you, I wanted to share my world with you.
When I married you, I wanted to know your world, to walk in your secret garden.
When I married you, I knew life would never be the same.

I still feel the same today.

(2010)

While on the topic of marriage, I also want to share with you of my favorite songs by Francis Cabrel, Je T'aimais, Je T'aime, Je T'aimerai. It is a truly amazing song. For the lyrics, in French and an English translation see here.

Love your other like you will die tomorrow. If you do, you will have no regrets should it be so...

Break Our Necks for Home

Currently, I am reading Holy the Firm, a beautiful, very short book which provides reflections of a daily life. It is an engaging book and, although short, really provides a nice place to leap into your own mess of thoughts, your own reflections. I am not what some would call religious, maybe spiritual, but not religious, that being said, I still find this book to be an inspiration.

Here is a quote that I found most wonderful:

And then, when we wake to the deep shores of time uncreated, then when the dazzling dark breaks over the far slopes of time, then it's time to toss things, like our reason, and our will; then it's time to break our necks for home.

There are no events but thoughts and the heart's hard turning, the heart's slow learning where to love and whom. The rest is merely gossip, and tales for other times

(Annie Dilliard, Holy the Firm)

My wish for each and every one of you is to find what you are looking for in life, to find the meaning you seek. I know I am searching and, regardless of what I find, I will be happy.

Have a lovely weekend all!

Get Back In Touch

Recently, I was discussing the importance of touch- both being touched and touching another. I find touch to be one of our greatest senses. Don't get me wrong, all our senses play an important part in our everyday being, but touch literally and figuratively links us to the world around us. Research has determined that touch is so important that children who have been neglected and have not received enough touching from another develop more slowly and are more likely to have emotional disconnection than children that experience touch on a regular basis.

Moreover, per some studies, societies that have more touching such as France have lower rates of violence. That correlation makes sense to me. If we are touching we are experiencing each other and our world in a more interactive way. I have always found touch to be necessary and healthy in both love and friend relationships. It is a form of grounding, the other person is physically present. The connection created reduces the chance of seeing the person as other, unrelated and easy to discard and harm. It also can reduce the need to be violent because it provides an outlet to anger and aggression by giving emotional support, a shoulder to cry on shall we say.

In our society today, I believe we move further and further away from each other. Between text messaging and e-mailing, phone calling and Skyping, many of us have forgotten the importance and the art of touching. I do not want to down play the importance of those other forms of communication in our daily lives and the opportunities they have given us to be in contact when we are across the world and unable to be in each other's presence, but we need to touch more.  Many in the U.S. shy away from placing a hand on another for fear of being seen inappropriate. Appropriate touching can make us feel less alone, can comfort us in times of sorrow, can show love and affection for another, can show concern and relieve stress.

On a personal level, I know I need to be touched and touch. The surprise hug while washing dishes, the hand on the shoulder when passing by, a stroke of one's hair while watching a movie, the resting of hands on the small of one's back or waist- these all remind me that I am here in the present. That I am loved and protected. That I protect and show love to another. They tend to be the thing most missed when someone dies or leaves- the feeling of them being there, in the present. And you know they are there, because you can feel them.

The 'I's have it...

Each one of us is important in our own way. We are all valuable. We must remember to love ourselves.

How do you determine if you are a lovable person? Is it the love you receive and feel from others or is it that which comes from inside? Is there a difference? Could it just be that the love of self is sent out into the world and others experience it and decide that you are indeed worthy of love? What happens when these two concepts collide? or cancel each other out and you feel unlovable? Can one person really destroy that within you? If so, how is that possible, without you having already destroyed the internal love?

I spend a good portion of my time caring for others- be it my husband, cats, parents, co-workers, condo unit owners, clients, etc. Often, I forget to take care of myself. I have decided to challenge myself to paying more attention to me and my needs. This is difficult because it is not in my nature and can be seen as selfish. I am lovable and should respect that within myself. With this paying attention to me period, I have started by eliminating certain "jobs." I have resigned from my condo board, stopped taking on excessive amounts of volunteer work, stopped over-working and started enjoying new things. I started a screen printing class at a local art studio and picked up the fiddle. I am still out shooting, but had some computer equipment failure. Hopefully that will be fixed this evening so I will have new photos to share soon. It will be fun to see what happens with this little experiment. Hope you enjoy the ride with me. Have a great day everyone!

Love is Blind

We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love - first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage. -- Albert Camus

Is love truly blind? ...or is true love that in which all the faults of your counterpart are revealed and you still love them? I believe the latter. When we love blindly, we are loving the idea of the other person, not the person. If you love the person you are less likely to be disappointed... we are all human and with that, falliable.

Love like your life depends on it.

Remembering

What do you do you when life throws you a curve ball? Often we as human beings spend so much time in the drudgery of the everyday. We forget to pay attention to each and everyone around us that mean something- those that make us happy- those that make it worth getting up in the morning to continue on with our days which may include things we do not like. I am certain that most people do not like some aspect of their lives. There is always something that they can improve on, make better. But isn't that the point of life? To work toward those goals, the quintessential "good life"? We are here to support those we love, care about, cherish to help them become the better being to live the good life. This includes ourselves. Too often we forget about that person that we are supposed to love and cherish as well. We all need to do a better job at remembering not to forget to show someone we love how much we care. I must thank all of my friends and family that have taken the time to show me how much they love me.

"We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection."- Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama


Happy Memorial day weekend everyone!

Reflections

This past weekend while on an impromptu drive that ended where it started, I did a little soul searching. It seems that in the toss and tumble of everyday life, I missed my forest for the trees. I worry that I neglected the most important person in my life- never was it intentional. Within my comfort of life and love in another I allowed myself to do the unthinkable, take my other for granted. This is a shocking realization. I was lulled by the years and shared life to believe he would always be there. I had forgotten to whisper in his ear and into his heart that his light makes the cold days warm, his laughter that has always brightened my days. I am sorry.